Friday, June 20, 2008
Dear Christopher
Sent: May 15, 2008
Dearest Christopher,
Did you know you are a certifiable nutter? You're a whackjob and a half (that's 1.5 whackjobs!). You're narcissistic crackpot idiot. you're really not even that funny either. You're grammar sucks, you need a haircut, and your accomplishments in life are laughable. You really contribute nothing of value to society.
How do you live with yourself? Seriously, man, you need to get a hobby, need to get off your lazy ass and do something positive with your life. You're a sad excuse for a human being.
I know you know all this already, so am not even sure what the point of this letter is, but you should be used to the pointless by now.
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
Reply Dated: June 18, 2008
Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393
Christopher,
I am writing this by hand so you can know how sincere I am! You are sick, twisted, and so wrong! But you already know this don’t you?
People like you should be rounded up and put in camps, you sick [redacted]!
The very idea of your website makes me want to defecate!
You know you won’t make any money off this, right? You will die penniless and broke.
Yours sincerely
For and on behalf of Christopher L. Jorgensen
My reaction:
I can’t believe it took me over a month to respond to myself! Man, and I take companies to task for crap like that. In my defense, I wasn’t sure if I ever was going to write myself back (and yes, I did send the letters through the mail). I mean, isn’t it a shark jumping moment when you are resorting to sending yourself mail and talking about yourself in the second-person? Well, it would be if I didn’t still have at least a week or two of real letters backlogged.
I hate poems about poetry, hate novels where the main character is conveniently a writer, and cilantro. These are just some things I hate almost as much as non sequiturs. That’s just me. But I do like stories where the author enters into the book as a character and engages his creations. Metafiction if you will, so thought I’d try my hand at metaletters. Of course now that I am commenting on this, I am metametasomethingorothering!
My brain hurts a lot.
Website:
Posted by cjorgensen on 06/20 at 06:00 AM
Individual • Talentless Hacks •
