Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Dear Red Lobster
Sent: April 28, 2008Dear Red Lobster,
I love lobster! But I am now writing to ask if something I've been told is true. Recently, I heard lobsters are prepared by dropping them alive into boiling water, their little lobster screams audible as they are cooked to death! This is so obviously barbaric it cannot possibly be true.
There has to be a more humane way to do this. Perhaps it would be possible to lobotomize this tasty crustacean by inserting a wire into their brain prior to cooking, or maybe you could come up with a way to administer a lethal three-drug cocktail, much like we do for death row inmates. The Supreme Court says this is not only humane, but constitutional as well! You could really use this in your advertising! "No Stay of Execution for the Lobster at Red Lobster!" or, "Get a Cocktail while Your Lobster gets a Three-Drug Cocktail!"
Please, at a minimum consider having a local Rabbi oversee the process, praying for and blessing the lobster as it is being prepared. I would feel much better knowing a Rabbi was involved next time I consume this delicacy with melted kosher butter. Of course, this all assumes what I have heard is true, and I still can't imagine it is, so I will just ask it outright!
Do you boil live lobsters alive?
Thanks,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
Reply Dated: May 02, 2008
Executive Offices
Guest Relations
Red Lobster
5900 Lake Ellenor Drive
Orlando, FL 32809
Dear Mr. Jorgensen,
Thank you for your interest in Red Lobster; it is always a pleasure to hear from our guests.
Red Lobster and our parent company, Darden Restaurants, have an over 35 year history of commitment to animal welfare and the sustainability of our natural ocean resources. I invite you to learn more about our practices on our website: http://www.dardenrestaurants.com/com_ff_preservation.asp
We appreciate your concern for the live lobsters in our restaurants. Please be assured the live Maine lobsters are humanely treated the entire time they are in the restaurant.
Again, thank you for taking the time to contact us.
Sincerely,
(signed)
Ami
Senior Guest Relations Representative
My reaction:
Way to dodge the question counselor!
Oh, what is this thing called a website you speak of? Is it on that newfangled internet thingamabob? Yeah, I wrote you a letter. On real paper. Using the US Postal Service. With a $0.41 stamp and everything. I hand addressed it and signed it. Why give me a URL? If I wanted to use an effing computer, I would have sent you a gd email! But for you, gentle reader, I turned their static URL into a hyperlinky thing. It works much better than theirs does. I tried clicking it on their letter like a dozen times to no effect!
I like how they not only dodge the question, but even after I do the legwork and go to the site that is supposed to have the answer to my concern, I can find nothing that lets me know if they do indeed boil lobsters alive, so I have to presume they do (since how else would you do it?), but they don’t want people knowing about it. Man, I’m getting hungry. If I wasn’t allergic to shellfish (sadly true) I’d go fire up a pot of boiling water right now! Guess I still can, since I’m not allergic to puppy.
Three quick comments in closing: One, in case you’re wondering, no I am not concerned about the tragic plight of the tasty live Maine lobster. Two, I love the way no-last-name Ami signs her letters. Bet she was still dotting her I’s with cute little hearts until sometime late in her college years. Three, if you go to their website, turn off your computer speakers or the soothing sound of the ocean will make you need to pee.
Website:
Posted by cjorgensen on 05/20 at 06:00 AM
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