jackassletters.com:FUQ
Yes. Errors and all. I try to accurately reproduce the letters from the companies and individuals. You can compare the scans in the galleries to what is online. I don't care about my typos, since that's how they were sent out, but if any of the replies have them (and it's my error) I will fix them if they are pointed out.
Yes. @jackassletters I don't feel an obligations to follow anyone back, and I also feel free to unfollow people if they are contributing nothing worth reading. I tend to only care about real people who actively engage.
That's not a question.
I am standing on the shoulders of giants on this one. Alexander Pope, John Locke, Don Novello (aka Lazlo Toth, aka Fr. Guido Sarducci), Jonathan Swift, Ted L. Nancy, Kembrew McLeod, Henry Root, Paul Rosa, Hans Christian Andersen, The Yes Men, Benjamin Franklin, and Ted Kazynski to name a few. This site is not a new idea, but little on the internet ever is.
To have my letters used as examples in every business and technical writing class in America (and beyond), so I can bank a bunch of royalty checks. Remember, this site is under copyright. Send me a check if you want to use anything. Really. Well, unless you're a high school or grade school teacher. You can use my materials in your class for free.
My address isn't hard to find, I just don't want any of you jackasses writing me letters. Yes, I do see the irony.
Do to overwhelming demand I have taken out a postal box, so you may now write me at:
Christopher L. Jorgensen
P.O. Box 93042
Des Moines, IA 50393
Well, because of globalization, mergers & acquisitions, and world dominating conglomerates, sometimes a perfectly good joke is lost because I've already written the parent company. The list of companies I actually want to write isn't as long as you would think. I tend to only write companies I love or hate. Occasionally I write some individual or corporation I know nothing about, but this is a rare occurrence. Finding addresses is difficult, and even if I manage this I often get thwarted by finding out Warren Buffett owns everything (and he's on to me!).
Yes I do. I am unable to disclose the actual figure due to an NDA, but let's just say it's in the lower 7 figures. Seems some guy in Dubai thinks the idea for this site is clever. Again, do to the NDA I an unable to disclose his identity. Let's hear it for the patronage system!
Due to the terrible collapse of the economy in United Arab Emirates Crown Prince Hamdan bin Mohammed bin Rashid Al-Maktoum does not fund this site. So I rely on the generous donations of my readers to keep it going. To date you guys have donated nothing though! I have received $10 from @hamsterkitten.
Yes. Just click my name at the bottom of any page and drop me an email.
I can't say I will write them, but if it's a cool idea I'll add them to the list! I, of course, can also be paid to write a person or company. You don't get to dictate what I write, but for $100 $25 I will write anyone you like (money back guarantee if I fail to do so). Just send the check and contact information to the above address. You will get a copy of the original sent letter, the rights to use it how you see fit, as well as the actual reply and any swag sent my way. I reserve the right to use a scan of the letters, the text, and all related materials for this site.
Sure. Monetary help is the best. Just see this post, Dear Site Reader, for more information. Drop me an email: jackassletters@jackassletters.com if you're really good at digging up contact information, I can send you a list of all the places I would like to write, and you can find me as many as you can. Again, just write.
Yes and no. Keep the letter to yourself and just send the swag. Don't write me, I'll write you. If you want to suggest I write a company (even yours), great, just follow the directions on how to do this listed above. Writing to me won't guarantee any kind of response. But in the end, it's your stamp, God knows I can't stop you. I expect you to live by the same rules I endure (it's such a hardship).
No plans at this time, but feel free to make me an offer. If it's for a movie deal I must stipulate that Casey Affleck play me. I do occasionally guest post on other people's sites. If you are interested in having me do this, just get in touch and I will check out your site.
Yes, make me an offer and I will consider it. I don't have rates. This site gets over 2,000 page views a day, which is enough to keep me busy responding to email, comments, and moderating the SPAM. I have no idea how much traffic an ad will generate, so low ball me.
About 10 minutes if I am sober, less if drunk. The hardest part is coming up with places to write and finding contact information. Once I think of where I am writing the jokes usually write themselves.
It's a lifestyle choice, not a hobby. I've stopped counting how much I have spent. Letter writing is more expensive than beer, cheaper than hookers.
Yes. And any Cease and Desist letters or take down notices will be forwarded to my attorney Marc J. Randazza for review. I'm not wanting to upset anyone, so a polite request will most likely result in compliance.
Yes I am. Bear in mind, no one says these people have to read my letters or bother to respond. I've only felt bad once, but that was before I knew better.
Yes, but it wouldn't be nearly as fun.
I'm already on all those lists, and the people already come to my door.
No. I tend to send them in batches. Replies are kind of like me, they come in spurts. I can't post based off the date I sent them or the date I received them. They go up as I see fit. I am also disorganized, and easily distracted (look! something shiny) so some letters may never go up.
At this point, I have enough letters and enough replies of my own, so am not interested, and since I'm not interested, I'm not paying.
Not really. That's part of the joke. Get it? No? Go away!
No, you can't steal it. It's already stolen. The CSS for this site comes from matthewjamestaylor.com and is used with permission.
I made up some, some actually got asked. I don't remember which are which.
